


Nicholas Fury Hates High School Musical (Even Though It Is A Cinematic Masterpiece)

by TheJoysOfAMultishipper (Amemah)



Series: Farcy happened. I don't know. They are very cute. [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack-ish, Everyone is Bisexual, F/M, Howard Stark Ships Stucky, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-27 14:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2696096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amemah/pseuds/TheJoysOfAMultishipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Bucky already thinks this is funny as shit, but they can understand how it might take the rest of them a few days. See, they're getting better at empathy and stuff!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nicholas Fury Hates High School Musical (Even Though It Is A Cinematic Masterpiece)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have an explanation other than "my imagination sometimes happens and then I have to write it down because that's a thing I do now?". But like, we all know the press conference to introduce Bucky to the public would go to shit. Hello. 
> 
> And the present/past-tence may be a bit fucked up, ssh. 
> 
> \--- The "stars and stripes" comment is from that t-shirt, you know which one. That drawing of Steve in that t-shirt with the bi-pride-flag or whatever it is. I don't have link, but if someone has - let me know and I'll fix it.  
> \--- As always, I reserve the right to edit any mistakes I find, though there shouldn't be too many. You're more than welcome to let me know, but be nice about, kay? 
> 
> Let me know what you think?  
> Tumblr: amemah.tumblr.com
> 
> Kyss og klem og kos <3

“What team are you on, Steve?”

“Wildcats!”

 

The entire pressroom stopped. It was so quiet you could hear Natasha walking, or Tony’s heart. Darcy was sitting at the end of the table, a self-satisfied grin on her face. Fury was somewhere in the back, rolling his eyes and wondering why they didn’t let an actual historian catch the Captain up on the past 70 years. Bucky was looking confused, Bruce was massaging his nose bridge and Clint was snorting into his coffee cup. Whatever, Darcy has a Political Science-degree. She’s almost _over-qualified_. At least, that what she’d tell you.

 

“Everyone’s a little gay for Zefron,” Clint chuckled, and actually blushed when everyone’s attention turn to him. Somewhere in the distance, you could hear Nicholas Fury facepalming, Coulson right behind him.

“You skipped sparring to watch _A Very Potter Musical_?” Natasha muttered and threw in a glare for good measure. Bucky looked like he’s contemplating joining Hydra again, because at least they were semi-professional. Sam was all high cheekbones and endless patience, God’s gift to humanity.

“It’s really good,” Steve said, taking a sip of his water. “I hope eleven-year-olds aren’t _actually_ making out like that though,”

“Eh, we were no better,” Bucky grinned, patting Steve’s back as he choked on the water.

 

“Yeah, Steve. Don’t be such a hypocrite,” Darcy glared at him, crossing her arms over her chest. Not even the embodiment of truth, justice and perfect jawlines could keep himself from sneaking a look. Damn right, it’s Stars _and_ Stripes.

“You’re still not over that?” He asked; voice only slightly strangled. “You really want to get into this _now_?” Tony had a grin on his face that clearly said “if this is how all press conferences to publicly bring soviet-assassins into the Avengers go, I won’t kick up a stink next time”. The reporters were keeping their mouths shut, their common sense telling them to just let it play out. Pepper was running through damage control in her head, Maria Hill squeezing her hand reassuringly.

 

“Yes, _Steve_ , I will, because it’s not fair!”

“The situations were completely different!”

“Oh, take your Captain America-voice elsewhere, it doesn’t work when I know you use it for dirty talk!” A collective gasp swept the nation, though twenty grandmothers smirked knowingly. After all, Bucky didn’t mind sharing and the dancers were _really_ flexible.

“Seriously, there was a sock on the door!”

“It was in a SHIELD-facility! The President of freaking Uruguay saw your ass – “

“Hey, I’ll have you know that could only be helpful!” Bucky interrupted, placing an arm around Steve. He was a bit protective and possessive of Steve, though Darcy could have told you that already. Like, shouldn’t the Serum take care of hickeys, or is that…? Is it like in Teen Wolf-fanfiction; that there has to be _intent_ and that should do it?

 

“And it’s not even the defiling of government property –“

“Though that _definitely_ happened,” Bucky grinned, throwing a wink at the scandalized reporters. At least they knew what team Steve was on now.

“ – It’s that you dare chastise me for the same thing!” Darcy yelled, standing up.

“That’s because Bucky and I stopped when President Mujica entered, but you just continued when _I_ walked in!” Natasha passed Clint a napkin as he choked on his water, an unimpressed look on her face.

“Oh please, like you haven’t done the same.” Darcy huffed, rolling her eyes.

“I – what?” Steve sputtered, a red tint coloring his cheeks. Bucky was snickering, cybernetic hand fistbumping a reluctant Bruce. (That would get 134 000 notes on Tumblr within three hours, and Bucky would weep for the youth of today.)

“Yeah, that’s right! I read Howard Stark’s journals,”

“Are you telling me my dad was writing Stucky-fanfiction?” No one had ever seen Tony shocked before, but there was a first for everything. Nick was contemplating giving up, and also why they hadn’t fucking stopped this yet.

“Oh it wasn’t fiction, honey,” Bucky purred with his eyes hooded, licking his lips.

“Public, Bucky! We’re in public!” This was also the first time anyone had heard Captain America with a shrill voice, or seen Pepper Potts rolling her eyes.

“After the shitshow known as this press conference, I feel that the American public has a right to see a sex tape,” Natasha supplied, handing Clint a new napkin. He should be thankful there weren’t any warm beverages supplied.

 

“Hey, wait. Who did you have sex with in an office?” Sam furrowed his brows and looked down the very long table, leaning over Bruce. There was only so much patience head, after all. And this was an important question, dammit.

“Classified,” Darcy snapped, just as Bucky laughed, “Director Fury!”

 

“That’s classified for a reason, Sergeant Barnes,” Phil Coulson stepped up behind the table, motioning for everyone still standing – Steve and Darcy – to sit down.

“Well, maybe they shouldn’t have sex in their offices, then,” Bucky smiled, though he looked down at Coulson’s stare. Fury was three seconds away from shutting down the Avengers Initiative.

“Obviously SHIELD has some problems with _appropriate workspace behavior_ , but as there hasn’t been any complaints of sexual harassment for the past five years – with the exception of Johnny Storm, of course – I can assure everyone that world security is in very good hands,” There was a bland look on his face as he spoke, making sure that no one watching would bother remember him. Thank God the cellist knew he was alive. 

 

“It’s important for the world to remember that with the exception of Dr. Banner, His Royal Highness Prince Thor and Chief Master Sergeant Wilson, no one at this table ever actually grew up,” Natasha looked up, but conceded the point. Even she had to admit she didn’t participate in Nerf-wars for the tactical training only.

“Oh sure,” Coulson continued, “They developed reproductive organs and learned that using birth control is important, but otherwise…” He sighed and shook his head; thoroughly enjoying the menacing looks everyone was sending him. Maria was grinning like justice was finally being served.

“Otherwise they stopped developing. That’s not to say however, that they aren’t willing to lay down their life to save the people of the world, but as they are extremely competent people, that probably won’t be necessary. That is what this press conference is actually here to reassure the public of, but clearly there were some bumps in the road,” Coulson smiled, gathering a few laughs from the audience. Those keeping silent were still reeling from the fact that homosexuality existed in the 1920’s.

“Any further questions can be forwarded to Agent Lewis, as she is a very competent individual when she isn’t quarreling with Captain Rogers,” Darcy smiled ruefully, bumping shoulders with the Captain. _Oops_ , she mouthed.

 

Christine Everhart raised her hand.

“Does this mean Tony and Steve _aren't_ romantically involved?”

“Well, there was that one time –“

“No, we aren’t.” Steve interrupted; smile only slightly strained. “’Superhusbands’ isn’t a thing.”

“I have pictures suggesting something else, but okay,” Bucky muttered, but otherwise kept his mouth shut.

 

Thor was wondering how anyone dared question the dramatics of _his_ life, and when they’d get their heads in the game.

**Author's Note:**

> None of the characters above belong to me, but they're still my babies even though everyone is over the age of thirty. At least I think so, Anthony Mackie confuses me in the best possible ways.


End file.
